I want to start this by saying I’ve lived in the South a long, long, loooong time. Way too long in my opinion. And not just one place in the South. No, I’ve lived in cities and small towns all over the South from Tennessee and Georgia to Oklahoma. I’ve lived and visited the North too. And when it comes to hospitality, I have to say, I prefer the North. Here’s why…
While a lot of my Southern friends say that they just like the smiling faces and good vibes of Southern Hospitality. Over the years, I’ve learned that there’s a huge lack of sincerity behind it all. The same sweet middle aged lady that smiles at you and tells you how much she appreciates you coming into her establishment, often gossips about how annoying it was to help you and how dumb she thinks you are to the other staff members and even other customers after you’ve gone.
But the fakeness of Southern hospitality doesn’t end in customer service. It’s in everything from family ties to friendships. What’s more, Southern Hospitality seems to be a concept subscribed to most often by and pinned onto women. Men seem to be allowed to work outside the rules of Southern Hospitality and say what they want whenever they want. And act any way they feel like. So, that would mean that Southern Hospitality is at its core anti-feminist. It’s a tool to control women–make them smile on que, act sweet and appropriate in public, and to not rock the boat too hard in private. Southern Hospitality is a leash for women. Which makes sense considering some of the Christian church denominations most common in the South have brainwashed women into believing that they are still subservient to their husbands.
“Now whoa, whoa, whoa! Men are nice too in the South.”
Yes, you’re correct, some men are very nice. But most often the reason men are nice is very different to why women are nice. You see women are judged harshly in the South if they do not subscribe to Southern Hospitality. Men, on the other hand can act any way they choose. If they act nicely, it is either because they want something from you or because they genuinely are nice and well-raised.
In the North, cities are often too busy to bother with shallow niceties. And smaller towns learn to better tolerate each other and adapt to different cultures because they are more genuine about their actual feelings and intentions. They learn from each other and adapt as needed. People are who they are without being asked to hide behind a mask or fake niceness.
Personally, I’d rather deal with real people in all their complexities than shallow, fake outside shells that people project over seething pressure cookers or repressed emotions. Wouldn’t you?
Celia Mitchell Writes 